Thursday, July 1, 2010

My baby love

Today I long for another baby. My arms ache to hold a new precious bundle, to feel life inside of my body again and to have my husband experience the reality of me growing large with our child. It is a deep, intimate desire of my heart, a pain that something...someone is missing in our family. But we wait. Or rather, I demand we wait.

You see, I want another baby. So badly actually, that my longing for the pitter patter of little feet makes my heart hurt. But I am scared. Terrified actually. I am just now starting to get better after 3 years and what if it happens again? Oh LORD what if it happens again? I can't do it again. I can't live in that hell again. HELL people! I am not joking. This illness comes straight from the fiery depths of hell. Of that I can be certain. It was a living hell. In my head. And you can't get away from your head. So the question remains; can I do it again? Am I willing to take that chance?


Because Gracie was, is, and will always be worth everything I ever went through after her birth.

And any other future babies will be too.....and that's that.

.............BUT.....I think we'll wait just a little bit longer..........Ya know, cause it's fashionable to have your kids 298734 years apart ;)


  1. I waited a loooong time before having another baby because of PPD. I can totally relate.

    What Was I Thinking? Having a Baby After Postpartum Depression by Karen Kleiman.

    I highly recommend it for moms like us. It was a great read and a great prep tool.

    I think it's responsible for a mom to wait until she feels she is prepared in every way possible for having another baby, knowing the odds are that she will encounter the PPD monster again. Stupid ppd. Having said that, for me personally, when I had my second, it was heaven. It was so different from my first experience.

    Good luck and good job for being patient

  2. On wordpress, I am BiPolar Mom or DepressionSux. LoL

    I tried a thousand times to post with my wordpress ID and it wouldn't go through for some reason! Dumb computer issues. ;)

    So, that is me and this is me. Any questions? haha

  3. Thank you SO much for the info, I am going to go on amazon and buy it right now! I am hoping that when we decide to have another, our experience will be like yours - heaven. Did you have postpartum ocd with your first?